Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i barfeds in our rink
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
