Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
