My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
