he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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