I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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