you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
