i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize