So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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