don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
