im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize