just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
