I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
