just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
