maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
