first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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