Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
