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She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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