return my video game
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
