The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
