Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
