I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
