So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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