spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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