This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
