I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
