goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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