just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
