I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
