It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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