My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
