it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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