last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
