tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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