If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize