I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I believe in your delicious
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
