Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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