The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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