My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
