i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
