I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
