Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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