dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
