I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
