I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
