can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
cat food counts as protein by the way
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
