Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
