I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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