all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
