Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
