I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
