Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i believe in u and ur pee
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
