I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
