He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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