Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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