Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
