And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize