he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
