I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
