break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
