i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
