I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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