i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
