i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
