That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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