butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
