Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
