farters have to be the big spoon...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
