I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
