Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
