how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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