Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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