Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
