so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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