I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
