We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
