PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
