So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
