did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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