Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it glows. i had to have it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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