i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
