Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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