Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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