I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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