Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
