i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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