i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My ass is underappreciated
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
