Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
