i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
