the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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