i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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