it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
