Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
