I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
