Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
