Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize