Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
