I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
