you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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